Mr. Rafael Alvarado Sr.
Aliases: True Lies, Silent Fury, Jamba Juice
Birthplace: He's Nica, take a guess.
Birthdate: After Sandino's demise,
but before Somoza's downfall
Political Leanings: Staunch Reaganite
Favorite Food: Gallo pinto y carne asada...
Favorite Offspring: Prefers his daughter...
his son's a troublemaker...
Favorite Sport: Baseball, of course.
Favorite Baseball Player: Juan Marichal
Favorite TV Show: Giants Games
Favorite Musician: Vicente Fernandez
Not much is known about Rafael Alvarado Sr. This short biography of the
man known as True Lies has been put together through the collaborative
efforts of the Nicademiks investigative journalists. Although much information
was gathered, many details of this man are still unknown. But here, in a
Nicademiks exclusive, we are releasing recently declassified evidence that
will at least provide us insight into this elusive man and why he was chosen
as our first "Nica of the Month" Award honoree.
Born the first son of a large impoverished family, Mr. Alvarado has always
been a disciplined individual, eventually earning a degree from a Nicaraguan
University [SPECIFICS CLASSIFIED]. From an early age, Mr. Alvarado learned
the virtue of discipline, as his own father demanded it. As the eldest sibling
Mr. Alvarado was entrusted with disciplining his siblings; a skill he would
later apply to oppress [j.k., Dad], I mean discipline, his own children.
Unfortunately, this feel good story does not come without its obstacles. After 
Anastacio Somoza was ousted from power
in 1979, a pseudo-socialist state was
established by the leftist-insurgents known
as the Sandinistas, changing the life
Mr. Alvarado had built. Mr. Alvarado decided
to leave his country when the new regime
asked him to do the unspeakable: to pick
coffee from the hills of Mt. Nicaragua.
[Okay, so maybe it was the civil war that
made him move...the whole coffee thing was just funnier]
It is at this point where the information becomes scant.
Upon moving to theUnited States, Mr. Alvarado began
his routine of working two jobs, seven days a week.
Mr. Alvarado claims to have worked at a computer
company and as a bookkeeper, but recent evidence
supports the long held suspicion that upon arrival,
Mr. Alvarado became a CIA operative for the Reagan
Administration. Further evidence suggests that the
1994 spy flick, True Lies is loosely based on the life
of Mr. Alvarado himself, hence the nickname.
Like Robert DeNiro in "Meet The Parents", Mr. Alvarado has decided to put
his CIA past behind him and focus on his family. The only covert operation
Mr. Alvarado takes part in today involves secretly checking off the "Presidential
Reelection Campaign" box on his son's tax form, when Republicans are in
office. Mr. Alvarado now prefers to spend his days, creating innovative juices
out of the many tropical fruits he buys in SF's Mission District, thus earning
himself the nickname, Jamba Juice.
Mr. Alvarado was honored with the "Nica of the Month" award for being a 
great father to his children. Like Chris Rock say,
mommas get everything, such as having songs written
about them...and all that dad gets is the big piece of
chicken for dinner. So today, we are honoring a man
who deserves more than the big piece of chicken at
the dinner table...A man that has succeeded in the face
of adversity and given his children the opportunity
to experience that same success. Congratulations
Mr. Rafael Alvarado Sr., you are Nicademiks' first ever
"Nica of the Month".
Stay tuned for May's Nica of the Month. Think someone deserves this award,
email us your nomination.
[NOTE: Although hard investigative work has contributed to this biography, the
above article was written for entertainment purpose only, without the explicit
consent of the featured individual. All opinions are solely those of
Nicademiks.com, all rights reserved.]
Pinolero
Jeromey