[This week's special guest can be considered the Ari Fleischer of the former Iraqi
government. As the face of the Iraqi government during Gulf War II, the following
individual has been accused of stretching the truth, making such entertaining
assertions as, "There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!", all while U.S.
tanks rumble by in the background. Well, all politics aside, we noticed his comic
abilities and invited him to share any other random thoughts he has. Without
further ado, here is this week's guest: Saeed al-Sahaf, a.k.a Baghdad Bob.]
"Thank you, thank you. Well, after investigating this website
thoroughly, I have become very aware of its political undertones
and let me start by saying that you are all infidels. How dare you
question Sammy Sosa, of course the corked bat incident was a
simple mistake. Come on, everyone loves Sammy. Personally, I
think Dubya framed Sammy. Bush II is still bitter that Sammy left
the Texas Rangers. But maybe I'm just bitter because he tried to
bomb me. Either way, you are all Infidels. And it is common
knowledge that the Giants Dream Team would have to include this
guy in your rotation: SP1: Atlee Hammaker. The greatest Giant
ever: Kevin Mitchell. He was the original Giant to rock the gold
teeth. Although you are all infidels, I feel a certain camaraderie with the Nicademiks readership. They don't call
San Francisco 'Baghdad by the Bay' for nothing. So with that in mind, let me sign off by saying this: may your
caramelo de ojo be plentiful and may your tubs be full of lettuce. Go Giants!"
As a special guest, Raf brought in his friend, Wolverine, who is currently starring
in the movie, X2: X-Men United, to give us a few workds of inspiration. Wolverine,
take it away: "Thanks Bub...Well, I just want to say 'what up' to the whole
Nicademiks Crew and thank Pinolero for making me an honorary Nicademiks'
member. The website you two have created is funky-fresh. Keep doin' watcha'
doing...and remember to keep stickin' it to all the Ronald Reagan lovers out
there. And let me finish by saying that Cyclops is a punk!"
Today's Shameless Self-Promotion: In lieu of watching the latest installment of
The Matrix: Reloaded, Raf has invited his friend Morpheus as this week's guest
speaker. Morpheus, take it away: "I just want to personally thank Nicademiks
for doing its part to free humans from the bonds of their own mental slavery.
But let me remind you that until a human is free, he is still part of 'the system'.
Agents are currently attempting to break into the mainframe of this very
website in an effort to convince us that material wealth equals happiness, that
the Lakers are still champions and that we owe our freedom to Ronald Reagan.
But Nicademiks is the way to the truth. You must free your minds."
[As this weeks special guest, Raf and Jerome have invited a very special individual
to entertain the Nicademiks audience while they are on hiatus. As seen on Late
Night with Conan O'Brien, it brings us great pleasure to introduce a very funny
individual making his Nicademiks debut. Without further ado, here is...
(drum roll please)...Truimph the Insult Comic Dog: PLEASE NOTE: The following
views are of Triumph and are not endorsed by Nicademiks.com. Note further that
his name is Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, So if you are insulted, don't take it too
seriously...that's the whole point.]
"Before I begin, let me start by saying 'thank you' to Raf and Jerome,
they have not only been loyal fans of my comic work, but are also
good friends...FOR ME TO POOP ON! No, no, I kid I kid. As you
may know, those of you who have seen me on Late Night with
Conan O'Brien, my goal is never to set off scuffles and controversy,
only to poop on and humiliate others. In reality, I have enjoyed this
website's content. Although, let me add, making fun of Nicademiks
would be all too easy...it would be, in effect, like pooping on poop.
NO, NO, I only kid. I am honored to be a honorary Nicademiks team
member. It makes me feel special knowing that I am in the same
circles as the rest of Team Nicademiks, I cannot wait go get my Nicademiks T-shirt; I want the name on the back
to read: Not the wussy Pets.com Dog. Okay, I must go now, but you have been a terrific audience...yes, yes,
a terrific audience...for me to poop on!"
The following page is a collection of the various special guests that have been featured on Nicademiks.com.
[Recently, there has been some controversy over some statistics posted on this
website regarding Operation Iraqi Freedom. Here at Nicademiks, we think it's only
fair to present both sides of an issue. So, as this week's special guest, we have
invited the President himself to give us some words of wisdom regarding world
events. So here he is, please give a warm welcome to our 43rd president,
George "Dubya" Bush]
"Thank you Nicademiks for giving me the opportunity to explainify
myself. First off, let me just say that we are still searching hard for
those noocular weapons. In spite of the fact that CIA Director
George Tenet recently resigned due to fabricated intelligence
reports regarding Iraqi noocular ambitions, I still believe that I am
receiving 'darn' good intelligence. I stand by my intelligence, I did
attend Yale you know....although daddy did get me in. But I digress.
Finding noocular weapons in Iraq is not easy. Let me explain the
real reason why we haven't find those WMD's. As a child, I was
really bad at hide-and-go-seek. Jeb would hide, but I could never find
him...I would lose Jeb like I lost the election (shhh...don't tell anyone).
Goodness, I couldn't find oil in an Iraqi oil field. Finding Osama Bin
Laden, Saddam Hussein and WMDs is harder than finding 'Chamba' in El Salvador or finding a Nicaraguan that doesn't
like gallo pinto. The only thing that has been easy has been convincing Luis that the U.S. always does the right thing."
[Nicademiks is back. And to start us off with a bang, we have invited gubernatorial candidate and action-star Arnold Schwarzenegger as this week's celebrity guest. We here at Nicademiks feel the Recall is a serious matter and we are letting Mr. Schwarzenegger have this platform to talk about his campaign. Remember... this is serious stuff. NOTE: READ WITH AN AH-NULD ACCENT, ITS MORE FUN THAT WAY. Take it away Ah-nuld.] "Hi, my name is Ah-nuld Schwarzenegger and I am running for the California Governorship. You might remember me from such great films as Colateral Damage, Last Action Hero, or the ever-so-popular movie, Junior. Well, I'm here at Nicademiks because I want your vote. I cannot win this election without the help of the Nicademiks masses. The lastest polls show that Lieutenant Governor Cruz Bustamante has a 10% lead. See, I knew Prop. 187 would come back to bite me in the arse. I only supported that proposition because it was the only way the California Republicans would accept me. But I have changed my ways, I promise. And to prove it to you, I have invited Pete Wilson to join me on my campaign team. He is very immigrant friendly...in spite of the fact that Pete was one of the main architects of Prop. 187, he still lets illegals clean his mansion. See what I mean, every Californian should have a job, my campaign is for the people. This is really embarrassing...I just forgot our state governor's name, but I know that you will help me recall him. Vote Ah-nuld on October 7. Thank you.
...USING CELEBRITIES FOR OUR OWN COMIC PURPOSES.